Tips for a Peaceful Divorce

Deciding to end a marriage is never easy. Years of investment, both emotional and monetary, have gone into your marriage and calling it quits can be daunting. Horror stories abound of couples having long, drawn-out divorces that took its emotional toll on both parties and especially the children. Fortunately, it is possible to have a do-it-yourself divorce in Illinois. If you find you and your spouse have irreconcilable differences but want to end your marriage as quickly and painlessly as possible, keep in mind this advice.

Aim for an Uncontested Divorce

There are two types of divorces: contested and uncontested. Contested divorces are what you should avoid at all costs, and consist of each party disagreeing about one or more major terms of the divorce. Contested divorces require lawyers and the ruling of a judge, and typically neither spouse walks away happy.

Uncontested divorces are typically much more peaceful and usually do not require a lawyer. Talk about the terms of your divorce with your spouse and come to an arrangement for what the separation will look like. Agree on your divisions of property, calculate fair child support amounts, and come up with a finely tuned schedule of who will take care of the children and when.

Keep the Blame to Yourself

While there is plenty of blame to go around in a failed marriage, continuing to point fingers during the divorce process will not solve anything. Recognize that it takes two to sink a marriage, even if one person only shares some of the blame. A peaceful divorce requires that you and your spouse set aside differences for a brief time to come to a reasonable agreement.

Don’t Try to Get Your Spouse to Understand You

Similarly, don’t rehash old arguments to try to persuade your spouse to do something he or she is already set against. Each of you had your reasons for wanting a divorce, and the fact that your differences are irreconcilable should tell you that your spouse may not be willing or able to see the issue from your perspective. Fortunately, an agreement can be reached without the two of you agreeing about marital issues.

Cooperate and Realize How Your Actions Affect Others

Perhaps the biggest key to having a peaceful divorce is realizing that cooperation is not the same as being wrong, submitting, or giving in. You must be a big enough person to do something that is mutually beneficial (i.e. a peaceful divorce) without focusing on “winning” the terms of the divorce. Most importantly, you must cooperate for the sake of your children if you have any. They should be more important than your ego.


Divorce is never easy, but it doesn’t have to be brutal. There is enough emotional heartache to go around without spite and hatred making the situation even worse. Talk with your spouse. Get on the same page. Agree to resolve the issue peacefully, consider a do it yourself divorce in Illinois, and lawyers will never have to get involved.